Nothing Hurts Worse

All I think about on most days is how brave Mark is.  Sometimes I lay awake next to him and watch how peaceful he is.  If he feels me next to him he will roll over and hug me, or just hold on to me...almost like he knows I need the comforting.  He is incredible.  The countless medical procedure he has gone through..rarely a tear or a complaint.  Still so happy and trusting with everyone he meets at the hospital.  I know in my heart Mark is happy being Mark.  He loves everyone in his life more then you can imagine....and we all love him more then he will ever know. 

 As a parent Nothing hurts worse...I wish I could change it all for him.  When it's medical there is nothing you can do to make it go away.  You can only be proactive and provide the best care to keep your child healthy as possible.  I wish I could just tell him everything will be okay and you will be better.  I don't have answer for Mark or myself.  Sometimes I wish it was as easy as a break from a girlfriend...then I could provide the comfort and say it will all be okay...or telling him it will all be fine when he breaks his favorite toy...all things that we look back at in life and remember how bad we thought it all was...now today it doesn't even affect you anymore.  It affects you as a parent when you can't make it go away no matter how hard you try.  I think back at the countless nights and many tears I have cried for Mark...and to think he is not even sad.  He is a ray of sun all the time... We are lucky as parents to be so blessed to have Mark by our sides everyday.